A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
