the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize