Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
