I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
