oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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