my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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