I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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