You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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