If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
