I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
