the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Screwed.edu
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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