I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
