i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
