I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sext me about skeletons
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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