just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
