I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
