i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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