he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
