so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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