dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
