hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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