problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
