The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
