It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
