8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
