Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize