I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
