Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
