stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
