someone threw a dead crab at me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
