i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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