I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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