So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
