she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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