fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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