you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize