i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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