Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
