I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
