overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
