thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize