i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
