apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
