last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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