Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
