i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
