Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
