a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I looked at my own cervix.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
