She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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