I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
