Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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