Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize