my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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