well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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