We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
