I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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