You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
