I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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