I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
