I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
