Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
