it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
