I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
