I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
