I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
