Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
